Zagreus

Zagreus was probably always destined to be a mess. It was released in November 2003, which coincides with the 40th anniversary of Doctor Who. If you judge it solely by its cover, it looks like it will be a multi-Doctor story starring Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, and Paul McGann. It also stars basically everyone who has ever been a companion. However, that is just the cover. Once you listen to it, however, you very rapidly learn that none of that is true. None of those people are actually playing the Doctor, and none of the companions are actually companions (with the exception of Charley who is just trying to muddle her way through the story).

Zagreus is also a story that follows a massive cliffhanger of a story (Neverland) that had originally been released in July 2002. After such a long wait, people were bound to be disappointed. The story is also incredibly long (at almost four hours, it is by far the longest Monthly Range release). There is some unnecessary padding, but it is, for the most part, fairly well paced.

What is Zagreus about? Honestly, I have no idea. The Doctor and his TARDIS are both infected with anti-time, and as a result they go a bit Jekyll and Hyde. The Doctor spends most of the story being extremely confused and yelling his head off and generally being angry. The TARDIS is personified in the form of the Brigadier, who meets up with Charley to try and help her figure out just what the hell is going on. The Brigadier shows Charley some projections of events leading up to the Divergence, showing slivers of different parts of how the Divergent Universe managed to open up into the real universe. The entire thing is intertwined with Alice in Wonderland imagery and some very Through the Looking-Glass moments (Charley finds herself turned into a six foot mouse fighting a battle against animatronics, the TARDIS conjured up a Jaberwocky to force the Doctor out of where he isn't wanted). The story is bloated and pompous and ridiculous and basically it makes no sense. Towards the end there is a sword fight (or something) with Rassilon and everyone dies but then they're not dead and it is basically a huge mess.

And then there's that poem. It first pops up fairly early in the series (the first instance I can remember is when the Sixth Doctor sings it to himself in Project: Twilight), so you can tell Big Finish was building up to Zagreus for a long time. Within the mythology of Doctor Who, Zagreus was a Gallifreyan nursery rhyme, the main character of which just happens to turn out to be a thing. Every time I hear it (and sometimes when I don't), it gets stuck in my head.

So now it can be stuck in yours (most commonly it's only the first verse you hear, and sometimes you hear something else. Zagreus has a lot of rhyming throughout):

Zagreus sits inside your head
Zagreus lives among the dead
Zagreus sees you in your bed
And eats you when you're sleeping

Zagreus at the end of days
Zagreus lies all other ways
Zagreus comes when time's a maze
And all of history's weeping

Zagreus taking time apart
Zagreus fears the hero heart
Zagreus seeks the final part
The reward that he is reaping

Zagreus sings when all is lost
Zagreus takes all those he's crossed
Zagreus wins and all is cost
The hero's hearts he's keeping

Zagreus seeks the hero's ship
Zagreus needs the web to rip
Zagreus sups time at a drip
And life aside, he's sweeping

Zagreus waits at the end of the world
For Zagreus is the end of the world
His time is the end of time
And his moment Time's undoing

Despite all its flaws, I love Zagreus to bits. It's batshit crazy, just like Alice in Wonderland. So little of it makes sense, and yet it all oddly fits together. One of my favourite lines comes from Leela, after the day is saved and the TARDIS/Brigadier is recovered and it/he tries to explain what's going over the last four hours. Romana is confused and Charley is confused and Leela just says "I don't see what's surprising, you all talk nonsense all the time." It is a very apt quote to fit the entire tone of Zagreus.